Everyone loves a good Dad Joke

To qualify as a dad joke a joke must have 2 properties:
1 – Not actually be funny in the first place (except to the dad telling it)
2 – Become even less funny with each numerous re-telling (except to the dad telling it who still thinks its COMEDY GOLD!)

Old folks….everyone has them and no doubt there have been many times in your life where it seems they have gone out of their way to embarrass you..at school, infront of your friends, with your boyfriend/girlfriend…the list goes on and on. These tales are about those times we thought we might die of embarrasment.

Send your dad jokes and old folks stories to itsnotfunnydad@gmail.com and we’ll put them here!

Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Candlestick

Not put off by his previous somewhat disaterous attempt at cooking dinner Dad had another try. This time it was to be a chicken curry.

Once again it looked good, it smelled good, but this time it did not taste quite so good…

As we found out after a few tastebud testing mouthfulls dear-old-dad had mistaken the tin of mustard for the tin of curry! Mmmm, discusting.

Mmmm, crunchy…

My father didn’t often make dinner when we were kids but when he did it we knew it was going to be ‘special’.

One day dad decided to make Chlli Con Carne, a spicy meat dish served with rice.

The meal was served up. It smelled good, it looked good….mmm, it even tastes good….hmmm, hey dad, what are these little brown squishy worm things all in the rice?? Looks like…..ummm, maggots?

Hmmm, yeah, weevils had gotten into the rice, laid their eggs and those eggs had hatched into squiggly discusting larvae which now happened to be in our dinner. They were dead now, but they were definately still there.

Dad hadn’t noticed this all through the cooking process and was now not going to let this oversight ‘spoil’ our meal. Despite our loud protests Dad demanded we eat the meal, worms and all!!

After all, in dads words “the larvae add extra protein”. Shaddup and eat!

Tasty!

Beary bad

Q – What did the Teddy Bear say after eating a four course meal?

A – “I’m stuffed!”

Boo…

Batty

Dad just told me about a experience he had recently. He saw a barrister in full legal robes drop his papers and stuff. Dad helped him pick it up and the barrister thanked him. Dad replied with, “That’s okay, mate, any friend of Batman is a friend of mine.”

He laughed, apparently.

(Thanks to Donna for this comedy GOLD)

Rude!

Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Timmy fell in the mud.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
Timmy had a bath with bubbles.
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
Bubbles was the girl next door.

A new breed of dad joke

Whats the difference between birdflu and swineflu?

For birdflu you need tweetment and for swineflu you need….oinkment!!!

Hungry for laughs

Me: Dad, I’m hungry.
Dad: Hello Hungry, my name is Dad, pleased to meet you.

Half price

When mentioning you are going to the movies dad will no doubt say:

“Try to get in for half, love….so, which half of you wants to go?”

Dead funny pt.2

Said when driving past a cemetary – ‘ must be the dead centre of town!!’ bwahahaha!

a pitiful joke

Q: Hey did you hear the joke about the watermelon?

A: No, ah well, don’t worry it is pretty pitfull.